a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
