i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
