Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
