This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
