I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
