So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
