The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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