all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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