bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
