Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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