I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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