Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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