i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
