just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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