i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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