Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got inside last night via doggy door
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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