break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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