Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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