Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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