the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
40s are totally the cure
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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