according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The power of my boobs compel you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
