know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize