my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
they're like a gay fantastic four
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize