After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
