thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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