you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I die, sorry about rent.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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