just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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