1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm always down for nudity.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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