I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
