how can u be prego again
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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