im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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