Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Success! We fucked roommates!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
