Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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