I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
