last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize