they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
