We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
