THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
