It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
