I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
