Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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