she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
