it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
