just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
