OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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