I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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