It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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