I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
