i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
