What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
