PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"