I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
