he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
