I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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