My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
