is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
