any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
