I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
