Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
