She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
