never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
