im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
