Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
