Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
