she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
