I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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