went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
