It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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