Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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