Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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