he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
