i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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