Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
